So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. – James 3:5
I recently watched a short news special on anxiety and depression among teenagers as a result of school shutdowns and social distancing measures. Specifically, the report made reference to the way that remote learning isolated teens, caused them to feel more alone than before, and to believe that they were outcast and misunderstood.
My heart grieved as I listened to the stories. But, one thing caught my ear. The report made reference to a young man who committed suicide shortly after the beginning of remote school in 2020. The report claimed that the “died by suicide.” Notice, he didn’t commit suicide, rather, it was merely his cause of death. Apparently, many mental health advocates argue for this kind of language. One NBC article references the shift in language this way,
What exactly is the problem? Partly it’s in the language. Asking “how someone could do this” puts responsibility on the victim, just as the phrase “committed suicide” suggests an almost criminal intent. Depression and other mental illnesses are leading risk factors for suicide. This is why mental health advocates usually employ the term “died by suicide,” as it removes culpability from the person who has lost their life and allows a discussion about the disease or disorder from which they were suffering.
Suicide is terrible and it is hard for everyone left behind. Many people I love have been affected by the suicide of a loved one. While we should never discount the impact of mental illness on our society or want to add greater suffering and anguish to families who are victims of suicide, I worry that the effort to remove culpability may place those with suicidal ideation in greater danger.
Words matter, but they don’t just matter for the families who are left behind after a person commits suicide. Words matter for people who might be considering the same option in their own lives.
When we remove “culpability” from the person who has lost their life, is it possible that we communicate to a larger world that suicide is not the choice of a desperate person in a desperate moment, but rather the unavoidable outcome of a mentally ill victim? Is mental illness a real issue for those who battle suicidal ideation? ABSOLUTELY. But is suicide the unavoidable outcome for all people who struggle with mental illness or depression or anxiety or for all people who actually contemplate taking their life? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Small shifts away from agency may help struggling families. But, is it also possible that this shift away from personal agency could result in increased suicides as people begin to believe that they do not control suicidal ideation, but it controls them? Could it lead to increases in self-harm, or eating disorders, or self-destructive behaviors as our teens and young adults lose belief in personal agency ?
If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal ideation, or ideas of self-harm, or of harming anyone else, those thoughts do not represent an unavoidable outcome.
Words matter. Your circumstances do not have to determine who you are or who you will be.
There is real hope. Hope in real words that carry real weight. Words like those spoken from the prophet Isaiah,
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
Isaiah 40:28-31
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
As we walk in this broken world, we see the fractures affecting young people in significant ways. They question not only their reason for existence, but the very need of their existence. They are prone believe Satan’s lies. As followers of Christ, we must speak truth. Hurting people need to hear healing words and to be taken to the places where hope can be found.
Mental illness is real and should never be ignored–if you or someone you love is struggling with mental illness or thoughts of suicide or self-harm, get help today.
But, also remember, the everyday language we use will build people up or tear them down. Use healing words. And use words that remind people everywhere that their situation is not hopeless.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
Proverbs 18:21
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Speak life. Remind people that they still have choices, even when the darkness closes in. Suicide, self-harm, self-abuse, or abuse of others is not an unavoidable outcome. If we remind people that they have power over their own lives, we might just remind them that they can change.
Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash
