This first sin, struck at the very heart of the family beginning with the role reversal that led to the struggle for leadership. Rather than leading his wife, Adam stood by and allowed his wife to lead him. The leadership scenario, however, did not result in a closer walk with God, but instead in separation from God and a competition for leadership in the home that has plagued humanity ever since the fall.
The discussion between Adam and Even in the marriage counselor’s office would surely mimic that of many struggling with their marriages today. I imagine the two of them sitting in their pastor’s office the week after the fall having had a conversation something like this:
Adam: This is all her fault. If she had never eaten that stupid apple, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
Eve: My fault? You were standing there. Besides, if you had brought home supper, we wouldn’t have had the need to be out scrounging anyway.
Adam: Maybe if you were meeting more of my needs, I’d be more willing to help out around the house. All you do is nag me about helping out, I’m so tired of being nagged. Why couldn’t you just cook supper?
Eve: Meet your needs? I don’t even want to share the same bed with you right now, look at what your laziness has led us to do. I’m so tired of all of your excuses.
Marital problems often begin with a struggle over leadership and always lead to finger pointing. In fact, in the case of Adam and Eve, Adam even went so far as to point the finger at both Eve and God, “the woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me the fruit of the tree, and I ate it.”[1] We recognize in this verse that Adam knew he had a responsibility to his wife. He correctly affirmed that God gave the woman to him, and not the opposite. Adam was well aware that she was his dependant. He was accountable to God and to his wife for his actions toward her. Adam did not act responsibly. Adam reneged on his leadership role. Adam played the blame game rather than accepting responsibility. Eve, on the other hand, seems to fair better at first glance. In Genesis 3:13, she says, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” She does rightly affirm the source of her temptation. She was tempted to eat of the fruit by the serpent. She does affirm that she ate the fruit. What Eve is not so quick to confess is that she ate the fruit because she desired to be like God, she wanted to be her own authority.
The Bible is clear that ultimate authority resides in God alone. Authority in the home, however, is given to the husband, “The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.”[2] Thus, in the case of the fall in the garden, the sin began with a reversal of roles. Both Adam and Eve need to claim responsibility in the areas where they failed. Adam failed to lead his wife, and Eve failed to submit to his God-ordained leadership. Ultimately, however, the finger pointing needs to be directed to the actual enemy in this story. Notice that it was not until after the fall that husband and wife turned on one another, but there was an enemy present before their sin.
The serpent was in the garden as the tempter, and the serpent existed as the enemy of this first family long before either man or woman saw the other as the enemy. Satan existed as the unseen enemy, disguising himself as a messenger of good will. This pattern of deception and deceit that began with the very first family continues today. The accuser of souls, the devil himself opposes marriage because it is mandated from God. He presents himself in our world as an angel of light promising liberation from old norms or even greener pastures on the other side of the fence. [3] The result, however, of following after his promises is separation from those we love and from the God who loves us. Satan tempted the first family with a battle for leadership, and the battle has raged since.
Marriages today, just as they have since the beginning of time, fall prey to the lies of an enemy that lurks unseen and unopposed. Husbands and wives view each other as the enemy that must be conquered, rather than as the partner given by God to overcome the enemy of our souls. Men have chosen to continue to live in passivity in their relationships rather than taking responsibility as the spiritual leaders in their homes, and have allowed Satan to run rampant in their families. Women continue to desire to be their own authority, and in doing so seek to rule over their husbands, turning God’s design on its head and opening the door for temptation and the sin that follows. What is needed in the family is a radical change toward a godly way of living together in covenant with God and one-another. God has appointed husbands as the spiritual leaders of their homes and has given them wives as the perfect help-mate in this spiritual battle. Rather than viewing each other as territory to be conquered, it is time that husbands and wives accept their God-given roles and look to each other as fellow soldiers in a spiritual battle with eternal ramifications.
The gospel of God is given, not just to unbelievers and individuals, but to believers to be constantly renewed in their relationship with God. The good news that Jesus died on a cross is good news in the church, in the individual, and in the family as well. If the Spirit of God is richly indwelling your marriage, you will experience constant transformation more and more into the image of Christ, and as the image-bearers of God, our marriages will grow to better reflect God as Trinity for all the world to see. The activity of God on the cross was a divine rescue from the captivity of sin and Satan. In this spiritual battle that is the married life, husbands and wives need to live in the power of the gospel trusting in Christ’s power over sin.
Christian families need to know that the gospel has freed them from the enslavement to sin and has made them alive in Christ to live into Christ.
