On the Eve of Adoption

Nearly six years ago I posted a short blurb about Russ Moore’s book, Adopted for Life. In that post I mentioned that the book blessed me immensely. It is one of the few books in my library that I have read multiple times. In fact, I have it on mp3 and in paperback. I’ve listened to it and read it several times. I love this book. When Angela and I decided to move forward into the foster care process we bought it and gave it to several of our family members.

Six years ago we were reading and praying about foster care and adoption. Next Friday we will complete our journey from foster care to adoption and will legally have two more children. At this point the legality is the only thing that is missing. They have been with us for over a year and are our kids.

As I think today about the journey that is coming to an end and in some ways just beginning, there are several things that I want you to know about foster care and adoption.

1. It is hard. It is hard in nearly every conceivable way. It is hard in ways you expect and in ways that you couldn’t even imagine. I won’t go into details about all of the difficulty, but just know it is hard on everyone (and anyone who says differently on Facebook is not being honest). It is hard on parents and on the kids–the new kids and the existing kids. I would encourage you to pray about fostering and adopting, but I don’t want you to walk in with rose-colored glasses. Meshing two families together is an intense spiritual struggle. Be prepared. Kids aren’t goldfish. They take work.
2. It is lonely. Many of our family and friends are going to read this and feel offended by that statement. Please don’t. We have been incredibly supported, but it still feels lonely because (as another foster parent so aptly put it) unless you are living it, you really do not understand. Sometimes you feel like you are on an island all by yourself.
3. You don’t have to do it by yourself. We have a great family and church family who have cared for us throughout this process. In addition we sought out a counselor who helped us navigate the terrain of assimilation. The adoption process can feel very lonely, but you do not need to walk it by yourself.
4. You will get tired of being bragged on. Imagine this: your kids have been terrible, everyone is miserable and you’ve been living a repeated cycle of losing your cool and apologizing to your kids. In the midst of it someone looks you in the eye and says, “wow, you are such a wonderful person, you must feel so blessed.” You don’t feel wonderful, you feel like a failure. Get ready for it.
5. There are tons of kids who need to be loved. This time last year South Carolina had about 3,700 kids in foster care. Here are a few kids who need somewhere to go and be loved today.
6. Adoption is pro-life. When we stand against abortion, it is important to recognize that those unwanted children need somewhere to go. Make room.
7. Adoption is a gospel issue. If children are not adopted into homes where the gospel is taught, they may never hear the gospel.
8. DSS  can be difficult to deal with. I won’t go into detail, but if you have questions you can email me.
9. It doesn’t have to be expensive. International adoptions and private adoption can cost tens of thousands of dollars. Those routes are right for many people and I’m thankful for those who have chosen those paths. However, adoption through through DSS doesn’t carry the same kind of expense. In many cases all legal fees are covered by the state.
10. It is all worth it. Without a doubt this has been the hardest thing Angela and I have ever done, but it is all worth it. We cannot wait to officially be a Thompson 6 Pack next Friday.