Men, You Only Fail When You Forfeit

“I want to lead, but I don’t know how.” This is a common refrain from men I encounter. They have a desire to lead in their home, but they are intimidated. They do not know as much about the Bible as their wife or they are uncomfortable praying out loud or they are afraid that their kids will ask questions they cannot answer.

I have good news. There is really only one way to fail as the spiritual leader in your home and that is to refuse to lead. Your fear of failure has kept you out of the game. You rationalize, “If I don’t do it, I can’t fail.” Unfortunately, you’ve already failed because you’ve forfeited. But take hope, you need not stay out of the game. Today can be the day that you turn the tide and begin to lead in your home. Here are five steps and a few resources to help you along the way.

1. Pray for God’s Guidance. This is not some Billy Graham kind of prayer in front of millions. This is you honest before God in your truck on the way home from work, “God, give me the courage, strength, and conviction to lead my family to know you more and obey your commands.”
2. Pursue Accountability. Tell someone else. Call a friend and ask him to call you tomorrow to ask how it went. This can be intimidating to some guys so take the easy route. Call your pastor, he will be thrilled to receive this phone call from you.
3. Make a Plan. You will not lead by accident. Take Mel Gibson’s advice from The Patriot, “Aim small, miss small.” Your first goal will not be to make it through the book of Leviticus. You should plan to read (or have a family member read) a section from a children’s Bible or a chapter in the gospels and pray together as a family. 5-10 minutes. Inform your wife of your plans. She will be your biggest cheerleader.
4. Pick Yourself Back Up. Three days from now you will forget or you will lose your cool or someone will be sick or there will be a dance recital and devotions won’t happen. You may slip for several days. Just pick up where you left off and start again.
5. Apply Godly Principles. Your leadership may start with a family devotion, but make sure that it does not end there. You must be the initiator in applying God’s word in your home.

Notice, I did not say that you have to do everything. Your job is to initiate and hold the family accountable. Here are a few other resources to help you along your journey.

• John Piper on Spiritual Leadership in the Home. If you do not have time for the whole sermon, pick it up around the 17 minute mark.
• The Most Difficult Time to Lead by Tim Challies
• Family Worship Guide we created this at Malvern Hill specifically to equip men to lead in their homes.