I’ve read several blog posts and articles recently discussing ways that church members can love their pastor, or their pastor’s wife, or their pastor’s family. There is certainly a place for these encouragements. The pastor’s family is no different from other families in the church in that they need to be loved and cared for within their gospel community. Before we point fingers at church members who do not love the pastor’s family well, I want to challenge pastors to love their own families well. Does your family know that you love them as much as you love the other members of your church? Does your wife come first among your earthly relationships? Do your children see you as a loving father who cares for them and their needs? Do they regularly see their needs coming before the needs of others or are they always pushed to the back-burner so that you can care for others. Pastor, you cannot expect the church to love your family well unless they see you loving your family well. Over time, a church will look like her leadership. Church members will learn how to treat your family by watching the way you treat your family. Part of being a pastor means that you will serve as a surrogate father to many members within your church and you will be needed by people in times of crisis, but none of that grants you permission to neglect your own family. Paul says that elders “rule their households well.” You cannot rule your household well unless you know the members of your household and fulfill your responsibilities as husband and father. Here are a few practical steps for pastors to follow as they seek to love their families well:
- Teach the gospel to your family. If the gospel matters as much as you say it does and if the members of your church are worth your extra time to be discipled, so too should your family be worth your time.
- Make time for your family. Make the time and protect the time. I’ve heard too many stories about pastors who never get to take a full vacation because it is always interrupted by some church crisis. Your children may grow to resent the church that constantly robs them of time with their daddy. Not every “crisis” is worthy of you neglecting your family.
- Turn off your phone. Give your wife and your kids uninterrupted time. The world will not end if you turn your phone off for an hour.
- Eat together. Family dinner does more than nourish your body, eating together as a family gives you the opportunity to nourish your soul and the souls of your family. My dad would often come home and eat dinner only to return back to work. Pastors, work diligently to eat dinner with your family, there is time to work when they go to bed.
- Involve Your Family. Take your kids on visits, invite your wife to help with counseling sessions, host small-group in your home. This allows you to minister effectively and to spend time with your family. Family time and ministry time do not always have to be exclusive of one-another.
Pastor, before you can ask the church to love your family better, make sure you are loving your own family well. I’d love to hear from you in the comments, what steps are you taking?
photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc
