Is forgiveness the new “F” word? I know, forgiveness is more than four letters and it isn’t historically considered a taboo word, but our current moment of cultural outrage and anger allows little room for forgiveness. We live in a world that does not make room for transgression and reprieve. We see people lose jobs and credibility for a single phrase uttered or even for a social media post made a decade ago.
There is no absolution and there is no grace. Instead, there is a demand that penance be paid. But why?
Where there is forgiveness of these [sins], there is no longer any offering for sins.
Hebrews 10:18
When forgiveness is granted, relationship is restored. Where there is forgiveness, sacrifice is neither demanded nor accepted.
What does this mean for our interpersonal relationships? If I forgive you, I don’t get to relive the past with you over and over again. If I forgive you, I lose the opportunity to demand payment, penance, or apology.
The reality about forgiveness is that it is granted, and not earned. Even when sacrifice is demanded, forgiveness is only acknowledged when the offended party deems the sacrifice acceptable. If I continue to demand sacrifice (apology, payment, penance, pick your favorite term…), then I have not forgiven you.
And this is what makes forgiveness such a bad word in our current cultural moment. When I forgive you, I lose the opportunity to make demands of you. Considered in another way, when I forgive you, I lose power over you.
We shouldn’t be too surprised at this turn in our society. When the love of Christ is completely removed from a culture, then offense becomes a currency that drives relationships. Rather than desiring healed relationships, people desire power.
This is the current state of politics and political discourse in America. The desire is power, not partnership. When we want power, there can be no concession and there shall be no forgiveness because when I have forgiven you for a wrong, I have surrendered my power over you. As long as I am offended, I have power because I can make demands of you. If you do not submit to my demands, then I can declare you to be mean, uncooperative, prejudiced, or even evil.
But this is the way of Gentile rulers, not Jesus followers,
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28
As we critique the world for their lack of forgiveness, let us beware lest we seek to imitate the world rather than imitate Christ. Outside of Christ, forgiveness may be a nasty word. But, for followers of Jesus, we realize that forgiveness is our only hope.
When we forgive others, we surrender our power. But, forgiveness is the way of Christ. The wisdom of the cross is foolishness to the world, but the wisdom of the cross is our only hope. As cross-centered people we forgive and we surrender our power because, like our Savior, we aim to serve rather than be served. We serve because we have been served. We eschew authority and cling to humility because our Lord was humble, even to the point of death.
We forgive because we have been forgiven. And, when we realize the depths of our sin and the grace of our savior, we may be led to late forgiveness a taboo sort of word as well.
Maybe forgiveness is the new “F” word. The kind of word that should only be spoken in hushed tones, but not because it is dirty. Forgiveness is a scandalous word, one that deserves reverence and respect because it is so undeserved. Forgiveness is given and not earned. And for that, I am eternally thankful.
Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash
