It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, but I am not a perfect parent. I’m not a parenting expert. But, I’m trying to get better and I have a chance to practice in the laboratory of our home every day.
When you are a pastor, people have interesting perceptions about you. So, I want to be very clear, parenting is hard when you are a pastor. Parenting is hard if you are a teacher. Parenting is hard if you are bricklayer or a mechanic. Parenting is hard for many reasons, but one of the primary reasons is that you have to learn as you go and kids don’t come with an owner’s manual–though I have often wished they did.
When my oldest children were young, our pastoral staff consisted of me, my good friend Luke Tolbert who is about 3 years younger than me and our senior adult Pastor, Buster Morris who is a few years ahead of us in parenting. In fact, Buster’s sons are older than me. We had staff meeting on Monday mornings and Luke and I would wander into staff meeting tired and abused many mornings after sleepless nights or frustrating mornings. Our staff meetings would involve strong coffee, some whining from us young fathers, and some encouragement from the experienced father.
My favorite encouragement from Buster in those days was this, “God has been gracious to allow my children to remember the best parts of me and to forget many of my failures.” Buster would go on to say things like, “Your kids see you trying, and that matters more than you know.” Those words were encouraging because Buster has been there. He has had the privilege of seeing his children grow up to love the Lord and to see his grandchildren come to know the Lord.
Looking back, some of those conversations happened ten years ago. My oldest kids are in middle school and I feel like we are beginning to reap some of the benefit of small parenting successes early in life. I still realize that I’m learning this whole parenting thing as I go along. But, I’m encouraged to keep trying and not give up.
I’m encouraged because I cling to the hope that they will see me trying, and in my worst parenting days that will be enough.
I’m encouraged because I know that God is filled with grace and I cast myself on his grace, praying that he will shield my children from remembering the worst parts of me and that they will instead be shaped by my better efforts.
And, in all of this, I know that I’m not a perfect parent. I’m confident that you aren’t a perfect parent either. None of us ever will be.
You must not allow perfect to be the enemy of good (or even good enough) in your parenting. If you wait until you are an expert in parenting, it will be too late. If you wait until you have all the answers, your kids will be long gone and you will have wasted the opportunities you had to make an impact.
I’m not perfect, and I can’t wait until I am. Time is moving swiftly. My oldest son is in 8th grade. He’ll go off to college in just four short years. I don’t have time to become an expert on everything that he will experience or that I will need to make a decision on between now and four years from now. But, I do have time to become an expert on him and on my hopes and prayers for him–and for each of my other three children. I have time to know him and love him and do my best for him and for his brother and sisters.
I’m not a perfect parent. But, hopefully I can be good enough. Good enough to point them to a Better Father who never loses his temper or gets held up late at work. Good enough to point them to a Perfect Father who is all they will ever need.
Hopefully, you can do the same.
