Ok, I admit that the title is not completely true, but it is true that I do not regularly date my wife in the way that many people suggest. In all honesty, we do not have the time or money to go on dates on a regular basis.
With four kids our time and resources get limited
With four kids our time and resources get limited and by the time we pay a baby-sitter and go on a date it is very easy for us to drop $100 or more per date night (yes, I know that many of you who read this would be more than happy to watch our kids, this is not a guilt-trip). In addition to the money, sometimes there just isn’t time to plan a regular date night. It is not uncommon during particular times of the year for us to have five or six nights of any given week occupied by an activity at church or involving one of our kids (thank you baseball season and Vacation Bible School). The thought of taking the only night we have available during the week and leaving home is not one that appeals to me or Angela.
Focus on the person, not the place
So, we do not date regularly. But, again, thats not completely true. When I look back upon our “dating” years, we did go on “dates” more regularly than we do now, but we also spent a ton of our time just being together. Angela worked in a mall and I was in school near that mall on a regular basis. We were both living at home with our parents to save money, so a good bit of our time was spent drinking coffee at the mall on her meal breaks and even wandering around before or after her shifts. For us, the goal was not the place, but the company.
Today we still don’t date as much as some would encourage, but we love being together. Last night we stood in the kitchen for 20 minutes after the kids went to bed and laughed. Earlier this week we gathered together around my iPhone for a Saturday Night Live performance and then spent 10 minutes online together trying to figure out why that woman was featured front and center in the performance but only played a tambourine (Newsflash: The tambourine player is the singer’s wife). We go for walks, we eat cookies after the kids are asleep, and we have been known to stay up too late watching Sherlock Holmes. But what of it? What about those of you like us who just don’t really have the time to plan a weekly date night? Here are a few suggestions:
- Spend time together. Maybe you can’t pull off a weekly date night, but you can turn off the TV and talk. You can eat dinner together. You can go to bed at the same time. The purpose of a date night is sending time together. The great news is that you can spend time with one another without going on big dates.
- Spend time apart. Pursue your own life. Live your dreams. Encourage your spouse to do the same thing.
- Stay in the word. God’s word keeps you centered. Stay in the Bible. Do it together when you can, but make sure you are keeping yourself holy.
- Eat together as often as possible. You cannot make up in one date-night per month what is lost in a month separated from each other.
- Make the most of your “dating” opportunities. Occasionally my parents take the kids for a night or another family member comes into town. Do not miss the opportunities for “easy” date nights.
- Be in biblical community with other believers. You need to have other Christian couples with whom you regularly fellowship. This kind of “couples-driven” accountability builds up your marriage.
What do you do to keep your marriage fresh and healthy and help your spouse to feel loved and cared for?
