- Are you spending time in God’s word?
- Are you loving your wife as Christ loves his church?
- Are you being patient and loving toward your children?
This is a short example of some of the questions an accountability partner may ask me. Accountability is a good thing, but accountability is only as good as the willingness and ability of people to be honest with one another. Ask me and I’ll probably tell you that I am a pretty good guy. Ask my children, and their answer to that question may vary day to day. Ask my wife and you will certainly get the full measure of this man.
I am fully supportive of accountability partners and accountability groups. Angela and I both participate in formal accountability relationships with other people. But, we tend to shy away from creating “accountability” relationships with people that do not have a common relationship with both of us and with our family. An accountability partner who does not know my wife or see me interact with my family is more like a Facebook friend and Facebook can make us into heroes because the world only sees the parts of us that we allow them to see. Accountability partners who do not share in my life on a regular basis have a tendency to become psychofants rather than iron sharpening iron.
Imagine the scenario where I’m asked (as I should be) if I am loving my wife as Christ loves the church by a man who does not regularly encounter me with my wife. His only barometer is my answer to his question. He is forced to assume that I am telling him the whole truth.
Now, imgaine a man whose family ate dinner with my family last night. He could have seen me either engaging lovingly with my wife and kids or he could have heard sharp responses fall from my mouth. In this scenario he doesn’t need to ask me if I’m loving my family well, he needs to ask me why I’m not loving them well. Accountability that is driven by couples with whom Angela and I live our lives with is accountability that is built upon truth and relationships.
Accountability is more than fellowship, but heatlhy fellowship creates relationships and healthy relationships are the most appropriate environment for healthy accountability. Christian discipleship, which may be the better term for “accountability,” is predicated upon living the Christian life together, not merely telling a friend you see once every couple of weeks how you are doing in your Christian life.
We must strive to be discipled by people who see us in our natural envioronments and regular relationships, not those who only experience us in synthetic environments devoid of the interruptions and realities of everyday life. Contrary to the common belief by many, I beleive that Sunday School and LifeGroups that meet on Sunday Mornings can be healthy environments to breed accountability (I’ll write more about this later). Those who attend worship services and Bible Study together as a family give others the opportunity to see how they relate to one another.
Again, I’m not suggesting that there is no place for husbands and wives to have accountability groups or discipleship groups seperate from one another. However, I do believe that accountability that is built primarily apart from your spouse and family opens the door wide to a false accountability rather than a wholistic discipleship that provides real accountability for actions and relationships rather than words alone.
