Loneliness in the 21st century is a paradox. A paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true. Loneliness today is a paradox because people are more connected than at any other point in history, yet they claim to feel more alone than ever before. In other words, people are less along than ever, but feel more isolated than ever.
The data is still emerging, but it seems that people have more surface level relationships than ever before, but they lack companionship and meaningful relationships. Of course, there is a subjective nature to the feelings of loneliness–there is a good chance that you aren’t as alone as you feel. However, in the moment, those feelings are real. Social media can exacerbate those feelings when you sit at home on a Friday night with a bag of Fritos and a bowl of nacho cheese and scroll through your social media that seems to be filled with people having fun while you drown your sorrows in grease and lactose.
Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity,”
Douglas Nemecek, MD, chief medical officer for behavioral health, Cigna
Loneliness is such a problem that even medical experts have taken notice. One researcher compared loneliness to obesity and smoking: “Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.” The separation during COVID-19 has only worsened the problem.
The loneliness epidemic is a situation in which the church is uniquely called and created to minister. The church has always been called to be more than a gathering of disparate people, but a body of brothers and sisters who are committed to Christ and to one another. According to the book of Acts, the early church devoted themselves not only to the apostles’ teaching, but also to fellowship and breaking of bread. A church that exists only to convey information is not a faithful representation of a biblical church. The church is more than a lecture hall or an educational institution. The church is even more than a great place to sing praises.
Church should be synonymous with community, fellowship, and care and concern for other members.
The world is lonely, and the church has the answer. The church offers a place where people can know and be known. In the church real relationships can be forged that will sustain weak and weary people. Writing to the Ephesians, Paul urged:
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ephesians 4:9-12
Churches must work to cultivate community. The signs are all around. Our world is lonely. People are crying out for community, relationships, and friends. In other words, people are longing for the things that churches are created to provide. Get busy. Here are a few steps you might take in your church to cultivate community:
- Create environments where people can know one another and be known by others. Small groups. Ministry teams. Short-term Bible studies.
- Keep LifeGroups (or Sunday School Classes, Small Group, etc…) small enough for real relationships to be formed. People get lost in groups larger than 16 or 20.
- Create Bible studies and prayer guides in such a way that questions lead to a deeper knowledge of God’s word and of one-another.
- Prioritize fellowship times. Church-wide potlucks, sure, but don’t stop there. Encourage your small groups to fellowship with one-another regularly so that relationships can be built that will result in ministry and accountability among members. We all hope that church members will fellowship with one another organically, but until those organic relationships blossom, cultivate the soil and watch friendships spring up and blossom.
- Work together as a church. Work on mission and in evangelism. Work in VBS or even on church clean-ups and renovations. The work needs to be done, but do not neglect the value of community that can be forged by striving together shoulder to shoulder.
- Model community to your church by spending time with other church members outside of regular church events. If you want those organic relationships to spring up, make sure that you become a part of that organic solution.
- Involve others in the ministry of the church. People are usually more anxious to participate than you realize. Invite someone to help you lead the music. Ask for a volunteer to create the worship bulletin every week. When people invest in the ministry, they develop buy-in and they dig into the community deeper.
The world is desperate for community, for relationships and even accountability. People are looking for a place to belong. The secular world will offer many options to fill the void caused by loneliness and isolation. Let’s do all that we can to show the people around us that the church is the perfect place to know and be known by others. And, to know and be known by the Savior who takes away the sin of the world.
Photo by Robert Zunikoff on Unsplash
