I believe in accountability. I have a phone call every Monday morning with a pastor friend of mine who has agreed to hold me accountable. He asks me about my relationship with Angela, with my kids, with my church, and with my God. He asks about my thought life and my ministry life. He prays for me and challenges me. He rebukes me when necessary. And yet, in many ways, he is terrible at holding me accountable.
He’s terrible because he doesn’t go to my church. He didn’t hear the sermon I preached yesterday or sit in on a discussion with our deacons or see me lose my cool with my children. He did not interact with my wife last week or ask her if I was loving her as Christ loves His church. You see, as good as my accountability call is each week, it is not enough, and if your accountability comes from someone who doesn’t know your spouse well or see you living with your family regularly, you may be in spiritual danger.
I am deceptive and deceitful. Now don’t go judging me just yet, because you are deceitful too. In all honesty, I like me more than I like most anyone else and I am often more concerned with being right than I am with being held accountable. As a result, I will often paint pictures of myself that show me to be the hero or the victim. I often gloss over my own sin. I need people who I can confide in about my sins, but I also need accountability from people who see my sins and are willing to call me to repentance.
Because I am like my ancient parents in the garden, I sin, and then I try to hide my sin. I have hidden sin in my life, I have some sin that is so ingrained in my being that I do not even recognize it until someone else is willing to point it out. For these reasons, I believe that accountability groups are not enough. I need to be held accountable in more robust ways. I need spheres of accountability that cover every area of my life.
For me, the spheres of accountability begin by giving others the permission to speak into my life when they see sin that I need to be made aware of. These relationships do not spring up overnight and they usually come about because I have sought them out. I waited for a long time for someone to offer to hold me accountable; one day I woke up and realized that I was going to have to seek out accountability (and so will you).
My accountability relationships include lay church members, church leaders, outside pastoral accountability, and my wife. Most importantly perhaps, my spheres of accountability include other couples; people who see me relate to my wife and children on a regular basis who can speak into my individual life, and into the way we are living our lives as a family. These couples are members of our church with whom our lives constantly intersect. I find it most difficult to hide my sin when I am consistently interacting with intentional and accidental accountability relationships in my life.
So, find an accountability partner, but do not stop there. Do not forget that you are like me; you are deceptive and deceitful. You need to invite the people who see you most to hold you accountable in all of your different kinds of relationships and settings. If you desire to put sin to death in your life, then invite accountability from all around, and then pray for the humility to accept correction and rebuke when it comes.
