People often tell me that they want to get more out of their church or that they want to feel more deeply connected to their church. Maybe you are one of those people. Maybe you have a church that you attend occasionally or you have decided that you want to attend a church, but you just don’t know how to get plugged in. You’re unsure of how to go from occasional attender to connected church member.
Try using these seven steps to grow deeper in your connection with and commitment to your church family.
Attend Regularly
When the people who make statistics gauge regular church attendance these days, a regular attender is counted as someone who attends church services once or twice per month. You will not develop strong connections within your church by showing up to services once or twice per month. You need to attend regularly and often. The writer to the Hebrews urged his readers, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” These persecuted believers were urged to not neglect worship, even if it cost them their lives.
Join A LifeGroup
You can’t complain about not having relationships in the church if you have not attempted to join a small group where you can build relationships. Sometimes what looks like cliques on the outside feels like family on the inside. Join a small group in your church (Community Group, Sunday School Class, whatever you call it…) so that you can build relationships with people who will minister to you and receive ministry from you and so that you can experience care and accountability.
Be A Friend
Serve someone else. The church doesn’t exist only so that you can receive ministry and blessing from it, but so that you can minster to and bless others. Do you see someone in your church that needs a helping hand? A young mother who could use a meal delivered to her home or a senior adult who just needs a hand down the steps after service? Look for those people who could benefit from your service and serve them. You will find that as you serve others, you begin to feel more closely connected to your church.
Prepare For Worship
If your worship services feel dry, maybe it is because you are dry and ill-prepared to worship. Before you criticize your pastor’s preaching, consider whether or not you have prayed for his preaching. Have you prepared your heart to worship? You can prepare for worship by praying ahead of time and by meditating on the upcoming sermon text throughout the week. Make sure you get in bed early enough on Saturday to get up and get to church on time Sunday morning. Also, go ahead and lay out your clothes, find your Bible and other stuff you need for worship on Sunday morning ahead of time so that you give yourself the best chance of arriving at church unstressed and unhurried.
Remember, Community Is Messy
Churches are gatherings of people and people are imperfect. When you seek to be a part of a community of faith (a church), remember that community can be messy and so are you. Someone is going to offend you or hurt your feelings. If you will commit right now to working through those hard feelings when they come, then you will have a chance to grow through the hardship. By working through the hard things, you church will become even more essential and meaningful in your life. It is also a great practice in humility when we are willing to overlook the wrongs done to us by remembering that we let others down as well.
Invest And Invite
If you really want to take the ultimate step in deepening your connection to your church, begin evangelizing today. As you invest in others and invite them to your church, you can celebrate the way that God uses your church to disciple your friends. Nothing will cause you to appreciate your church more than watching a new believer be baptized, discipled, and welcomed into your faith family.
Arrive Early and Stay Late
I added this one at the last minute, but it is so important. It is practical, it is easy to overlook, but don’t be tempted to miss this. The ministry that takes place in the margins of your life is sometimes the most important ministry of all. Get there early enough to help a single mom direct her three kids to their classes. Stay late enough to listen to a couple who is burdened over the decisions of their adult children. Stay late enough to watch your kids get grass stains on their Sunday pants while playing with other kids in the church yard, because those grass stains are shared experiences that help you to build community with others around you. When you take your time leaving church, you say to those around you, “Hey, I want to be here and I want to spend time with you.”
It is difficult to make your way into a new church. Churches can often feel like closed off groups. However, all of the responsibility does not lie on the shoulders of the existing church members. Know this, most churches really do want you there. They may not always know how to help you feel comfortable or how to integrate you into the life of the church, but hey really want you to be a part of them. So, try not to be afraid.
I’ve seen people grow in their relationships at Malvern Hill using the seven steps above. You can use these to grow as well. Or, perhaps you already have a great church family with wonderful relationships there. What have you done to help you deepen the relationships in your church?
