Not too long ago, I sat with another minister and talked through all of our holiday plans which included several gatherings with parts of our church family in our home. He offered me a word of caution, “Be careful that you don’t do too much.” Then, he asked me a question, “Do you worry that you may be giving away too much access to your life?”
I appreciated his concern. It is true that pastors often need gatekeepers and co-ministers to serve Christ’s church effectively without burning out. Malvern Hill is blessed to be served by deacons, LifeGroup leaders, other staff, and various other saints who do the “work of the ministry.” I have plenty of gate-keepers and co-laborers. But, regardless of what I have or don’t have, hospitality is really not an option.
As a pastor in Christ’s church, there is a biblical expectation that I show hospitality. Just consider Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 3:
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
Right there in black and white, an elder must be hospitable. The New Living Translation explains hospitable this way, “He must enjoy having guests in his home.” This seems to be an often overlooked qualification for pastors, but we neglect the biblical mandate to our peril.
Pastors, you have a biblical expectation and responsibility to welcome guests into your home. There is not a biblical expectation that you become an extravagant host or live in a particular kind or size of home. There is not a biblical expectation that you always have people in your home. There is a biblical expectation that your home be open to guests and that you welcome them with joy.
If you are not a pastor, you’re not off the hook. Hospitality is a biblical expectation for all of God’s children. Just consider 1 Peter 4:9, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”
If hospitality is a struggle for you or if you just don’t know how to begin making your home more hospitable, here are a few steps you can take:
- Pray that God would give you a heart for hospitality. Is your home the castle where you rule or the cross where you die? Pray that God would give you a heart to use your home for his glory and for the good of others.
- Practice hospitality outside your home. Do small things to grow in hospitality. Bake a cake and take it to your LifeGroup, hold doors for others in restaurants, take hot chocolate to utility workers.
- Become a front-yard family. One of the simplest things you can do to become more hospitable is to spend time in front of your house. If you have a front porch, use it. Use your front yard to be visible and to get to know your neighbors. When you know people, you become more comfortable having them into your home. Also, your yard becomes a stepping stone to hospitality. My wife and kids hosted an ice cream party for our neighbors a few years ago in our front yard.
- Get to know your neighbors. In addition to spending time in your front yard, go for a walk. Speak to the people around you and get to know their names.
- Start small. Maybe you aren’t comfortable having 30 people over for dinner tomorrow night. Start small. Invite another family to eat dinner and play games or watch football.
- Develop an open-door policy. We entertain pretty regularly at our house, but when we think about hospitality we don’t usually gravitate toward Christmas parties. Instead, we think about our kids’ friends that show up to play and our friends that stop by unannounced.
- Involve the whole family. Make sure the kids know your open-door policy so that they can invite their friends. Let them bake cookies for the neighbors and teach them how to use their home as an outpost for gospel mission.
- Keep your home clean. I don’t write this to judge you. But, if your home is dirty and cluttered, you will be embarrassed to have people in it. So, get the laundry off the couch and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Combine a clean house with an open-door policy and you have the recipe for a hospitable home. ALSO, don’t worry if it isn’t always super clean. Everyone else has laundry on their couch too.
- Start where you are. It is OK if your house isn’t a catalog home. Our first home had gaps under the windows large enough to see daylight. But, in that small, rundown house, we regularly hosted cookouts, neighbors, and church gatherings.
- Read Rosaria Butterfield’s book, The Gospel Comes With a House Key.
I know that some of you are reading this and the idea of opening your home to others seems like a terrifying chore. I want you to see it as a blessed opportunity. Our open-door policy has created numerous opportunities for us to show the love of Christ to others. Our house has been a refuge for the broken and a hospital for sinners. Our home has been a counseling office and a cooking school. It has also been a play-place for kids and an emergency bathroom. But, in each of those ways, God has used our home to bless others and in so doing has blessed our family.
Start small. You may just discover that your small beginnings end in outsized results.
